Digging up the Dirt
by The Little House Scribe
Summary: Ginny Potter might think that she's on easy street, and that her evil plans are motoring along nicely, but there are heroes among us that are determined to show what she truly is. Featuring spying, love potions and lots and lots of gold-digging.


"All set?" Marietta Edgecombe asked a small boy.

"Perfectly." Romilda Vane grinned, thumbs up.

A third Witch came scuttling around the corner.

"Places everyone! She's coming."

* * *

><p>Feeling a tug on her pants, Ginny Potter stopped to see a little boy looking up hopefully at her.<p>

"Can I help you?" Ginny asked kindly.

"Umm…" the Boy replied nervously. "I dropped my money."

Ginny looked onto the gutter, filled with wet, yucky refuse. She smiled at the boy.

"That's okay, we can get it back." Ginny pulled out her wand, and with a few twirls, the coins rose out of the muck, before Ginny drew them into a swirl of water, and then dried them off. The coins clinked into the boys hands.

Romilda Vane looked desperately for help, and Marietta Edgecombe provided it. As soon as the coins were in the boy's hand, Edgecome shoved into him. He stumbled, and although Ginny saved him from falling into the gutter, the Galleons weren't so lucky. Ginny spun to glare at the villain, but it had already disappeared.

"Not to worry." Ginny assured the little boy. "We'll get them back." But when she tried to summon the coins, nothing happened.

Puzzled, Ginny conjured a spade and dug the coins out, and cleaned and returned them to the boy.

* * *

><p>"HARRY! HARRY! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"<p>

Harry Potter sighed, and turned to the source of the voice.

"What is it now, Vane?"

"I would've told you this earlier, but your secretary wouldn't let me into your office, and…"

"Get to the point." Harry, admittedly, was rather curt, but he – or rather, he and Ginny had been dealing with Romilda for years.

"I witnessed." Romilda paused dramatically. "A robbery."

"You know the Auror Office doesn't deal with those. Report it to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement." Harry tried to move away, but Romilda wasn't getting the hint.

"But this time, it's personal!" Romilda told him.

A welcome distraction arrived in the form of Hannah Longbottom, delivering Harry his lunch to his table. Harry did not share.

"Alright Romilda. What happened?" Harry sighed.

But before Romilda could describe the horror, someone else sidled up next to her.

"It was awful, simply awful!"

It was Rita Skeeter.

"Front page news, wouldn't you agree, darl?" Rita asked Romilda, who nodded officiously.

"Don't tell me you saw it too?" Harry asked.

Rita leaned over the table, her garish necklace dangling into Harry's Fish and Chips. "Not only saw it, but captured the proof for posterity.

Harry rolled his eyes, but Rita pulled out a piece of newspaper.

"I've already prepared the front page!" Rita, grinning triumphantly, handed over the paper.

A full colour picture dominated the entire page. Underneath the Daily Prophet logo, gigantic words bearing the headline: Gold-Digging Ginerva Steals From Child.

Passing over the misspelling of his wife's name, Harry focused on what the picture showed. A little boy was standing next to a gutter. Soon, Ginny came into the picture, and rudely knocked the boy down, sending a cascade of Galleons into the muck of the gutter. While the poor boy, on his hands and knees, looked beseechingly into the camera, Ginny dug out the Galleons and pocketed them, grinning maliciously at her victim.

Harry's lip quivered. Romilda slid around the table and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I can't believe it." Harry shook his head sadly.

"The truth hurts." Rita said wisely.

"Right." Harry said unsteadily. He seemed to be unable to tear his eyes away from the terrible behaviour the person he thought was the love of his life was exhibiting.

Harry looked up. "Do you know who that boy was?" Harry asked with a constricted whisper. "I want to make it up to him. It's the least I can do."

Romilda and Rita exchanged glances. "We already did that." Rita assured Harry, who nodded glumly.

"What do I do now?" Harry asked. "How can I live with her after she's done this?" Harry gestured hopelessly at the newspaper.

"You can stay at my place." Romilda suggested hopefully, looking at Harry expectantly.

"That's awfully nice of you." An amused voice stated, causing Rita and Romilda to jump up in shock. "Hello, ladies." Smiling widely, the newcomer took a chip from Harry's plate.

"That's my lunch." Harry glowered at his wife. "I know what you did!"

Ginny took another chip. "But Harry, you know I can't resist this colour…"

"Yes he knows!" Romilda said bravely. "We told him everything!"

Ginny glanced at Romilda, but Ginny was frightening enough that that small bit of eye contact induced Romilda to shuffle herself behind Harry.

"You know what will happen if you accept her offer, Harry." Ginny said dangerously.

Taking the newspaper, Ginny wrapped the Fish and Chips up and marched off.

"That's it!" Harry declared passionately. "She's not getting away with this, Romilda! We're having a sleepover!"

* * *

><p><strong>Evening Prophet Special Edition<strong>

Trouble in Paradise

_By Rita Skeeter_

Could the Potters' marriage be over? Your correspondent witnessed a very public breakdown in the Leaky Cauldron. Full story pages six and seven.

* * *

><p>"What's all that?" Romilda asked Harry, when she opened the door to her flat to see him holding a huge pile of stuff. Harry was grinning, in much better spirits than he had been at lunch-time. Romilda knew that the prospect of spending a night with her had cheered Harry up immensely.<p>

"Stuff for the night." Harry grinned, stepping over the threshold into Romilda's flat.

"Well." Romilda began nervously. "I've made dinner."

Harry clapped his hands. "Goody. I'd forgotten what that was like."

Romilda frowned at her guest.

"I never eat like this with… _her._"

"Romilda…" Harry said, swirling his ice-cream in his bowl. "I've never really told you how beautiful you are."

Romilda squealed with delight.

"I can't believe I didn't see it before." Harry berated himself. Romilda, for her part, was still squealing.

"Thanks for dinner." Harry said, staring doe-eyed at Romilda like he had been doing for the past twenty minutes. He glanced down at his watch.

"Oh dear, I'd better hurry up!"

"What's the matter?" Romilda asked, following Harry into her living area.

"I've got to get ready for bed." Harry replied. "I won't need my tent, but I will need my sleeping bag."

"Huh?"

"If I've been really good, Ginny lets me sleep on the couch." Harry explained.

"And if not…" Romilda asked tentatively.

"I sleep in my tent outside."

Romilda struck an outrageous pose. "Well, how would you like to sleep on a real bed tonight?" She asked with a sultry wink.

* * *

><p>"This is it. Action stations, Agent Edgecombe."<p>

"All prepared and ready to go, Agent Skeeter!" Marietta saluted, peeping though Romilda's window. When Harry's back was turned, Romilda gave them a thumbs up.

Romilda was pouring Harry some wine. After Harry drunk a glassful, Romilda pressed herself against his body. Rita's camera was working in overdrive. So engrossed were they in the happenings of Romilda's bedroom, they failed to notice that they were no longer alone.

"Make sure you keep that camera rolling." Ginny said, giving Marietta and Rita heart attacks. "You're not going to want to miss this."

And with that statement, Ginny leapt through Romilda's bedroom window.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Harry exclaimed, seeing the wild, crazed look on his wife's face. "A harpy!"

"Get out of my house!" Romilda bravely commanded.

Ginny reached over for one of Romilda's vases and hurled it at Romilda, who narrowly dodged it.

Romilda tried to pull out her wand, but when he did, one of Romilda's stools knocked it out of her hands. Ginny was shouting and screaming at the top of her lungs. Romilda was backing away very quickly, but Harry, who had faced a Dark Lord, was a little braver. He stood his ground, staring Ginny down.

"Harry dear." Ginny said sweetly. "You know you're supposed to be home by now."

"I'm allowed to stay out, Ginny!" Harry replied. "You're not the boss of me!"

"I don't want to boss you around, Harry. I just want to help you." Ginny tried to coax Harry to come closer.

"Leave me alone." Harry said.

"Harry…" Ginny began. "You haven't taken your medicine."

"I don't want it!" Harry shouted.

Ginny's eyes flashed dangerously, but before she could take a step, Romilda had squealed.

"It's love potion! She's been feeding you love potion!" Romilda accused, finger pointed dramatically at Ginny.

"It's love potion! You've been feeding me love potion!" Harry repeated, finger pointed dramatically at Ginny.

Ginny tried to salvage her position, but Harry was wise to her wiles.

"I haven't had my potion for tonight, so I can see what you're really like!" Harry said. He turned to Romilda. "Thank you for showing me the truth."

Romilda smiled indulgently. Ginny sagged. But a distraction arrived in the form of an Owl, bearing a newspaper. It flapped down next to Ginny.

It was the Quibbler.

Before anyone could say anything, a group of Wizards from the DMLE arrived, saying they received news of a disturbance. Romilda's and Harry's night was cruelly cut short.

* * *

><p>The next morning, the altercation in Romilda's flat was front-page news. Rita Skeeter was walking with a real swagger in her step, and so were Romilda and Marietta. Marietta stopped by the office of her Ministry colleague, Hermione Granger, to gloat about the events.<p>

"No way!" Granger was shouting at someone behind a closed door. "We accept them for what they are!"

There was a pause, and then Marietta heard Granger's voice again. "How would you like if it was the other way around?"

Marietta tried to listen in further, but she could only hear Granger. "You can ask them to become human for you!"

Eyes wide, Marietta retreated, remembering the Quibbler in Romilda's room. She called Romilda.

"Romilda!" Marietta shouted down the line. "Do you still have that Quibbler."

"Yeah, why?"

"It's got something important. I'm coming over."

"I can't believe it." Romilda said with disbelief. "In Xeno Lovegood's rag, of all places."

"I know right. But it's still just a theory. We need to prove it."

Romilda, Rita and Marietta grinned at each other. They had just the plan.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe that Ginny would do that to you. Believe me mate, I had absolutely no idea!"<p>

"I know, Ron." Harry slugged another glass of Firewhiskey. "And I can't divorce her. She'll take everything."

Ron slapped Harry's shoulder sympathetically. "She really has this all figured out, hasn't she."

Harry nodded. "How do you think the rest of the family will take it? Will they believe me?"

Ron shrugged. "If you've got proof, they should do."

"Hi Harry." Romilda sidled up to Harry. "Ronald Weasley?"

Ron nodded. "Hi."

"You know how if you tried to divorce Ginny, she could say that we were having an affair and get all your money…" Romilda began.

"Yeah…"

"Well, we've had a breakthrough in…" Romilda paused. "Ron, why aren't you upset?"

"I am. I'm just controlling my emotions."

"But I'm saying all this stuff about your sister."

"If what you're saying is true, Harry never loved her. Ginny made her bed, now she's got to sleep in it."

"So, Romilda." Harry began, with courage borne of Firewhiskey. "What's the plan?"

* * *

><p>"Ahhh, good old Gilderoy." Harry grinned. He and Romilda were lying in wait for Ginny to come past.<p>

"Stupefy!" Harry cried. Ginny crumpled to the ground.

"Alright, ready?" Romilda asked. Harry nodded.

"TRUESCAEM FURMOLO!" Harry began, twirling his wand around.

"ANIMALIAM HUMANSCECO!" Romilda continued.

"REVELIO SPCASGENUS!" Harry and Romilda finished, arms outstretched. They were looking down at Ginny, except it wasn't Ginny. There was a little creature, scuffling around in the dirt. It caught a glint of gold on Harry's watch, and leapt up. Quickly stowing it away, Harry picked up the creature.

"Harry." Romilda said. "Look at what she is! I can't believe it. Guess she couldn't escape her true nature…"

"I guess not." Harry sighed heavily.

"Well, you're free now. What are you going to do with her?" Romilda asked.

"I'll take her with me. I can decide what to do with her after, but until then, I want to keep an eye on her."

"You're a braver man than I…" Romilda said, gazing at Harry with adoration.

* * *

><p><strong>Evening Prophet Special Edition<strong>

Sniffing out the Truth

_By Special Correspondent Rita Skeeter._

At last, dear readers, the truth.

It is both extraordinarily unbelievable and all too real. Ginny Potter, mediocre player of the Holyhead Harpies Quidditch Team and wife of the Boy-Who-Lived, is not just a metaphorical gold-digger, but a literal one! Astonishingly, Ginny Potter is a Humanimagus – an animal who has mastered the ability to transform into a human being. Your reporter witnessed her true form – a Niffler, which is a creature famous for sniffing out treasure. Our hearts go out to those who loved her, unaware of her true nature.

* * *

><p>Ginny Potter was in tears.<p>

Tears of laughter.

"This is absolutely perfect." Ginny passed the Evening prophet to Harry. "This is exactly what we wanted."

But Harry's brow was furrowed as he read. "Mediocre?" Harry said with disbelief. "_Mediocre!_ She's amazing! She's the star! She's the absolute best!"

But Ginny was not bothered about Rita Skeeter's report, or Romilda Vane. Harry's righteous indignation on her behalf made it all worthwhile.

"Oh, by the way, Xenophilius, thanks. You were absolutely great." Ginny nodded at the editor of the Quibbler.

"You're welcome. But I didn't do anything I wasn't going to do anyway. So you've decided to remain human?"

"Sorry?" Ginny was non-plussed.

Luna leaned over and whispered something in Ginny's ear. "Daddy was going to publish the article on Animal – Human transformation."

"Oh, sorry, Xenophilius. I'm not really a Niffler. We were just doing that to trick Romilda and Rita."

"Really?" Xenophilius asked, quite disappointed. "Well, I guess the search goes on."

Ginny and Harry caught each other's eyes.

"Xenophilius, I think I know a way to make up for this disappointment." Ginny smiled. "How would you like toknow what really happened?"

* * *

><p><strong>The Quibbler<strong>

_**Ministry Sting uncovers criminal ring.**_

* * *

><p>"You have no idea how long I've waited do this." Harry Potter, his breath heavy on Romilda's skin, told her.<p>

Romilda reached up for Harry, and he clinked something over her wrists. Still holding her hands above her head, Harry leaned in.

Romilda shivered with anticipation.

"Got you." Harry whispered.

"I think you're enjoying this a little too much." Ginny Potter materialised.

"Well, can you blame me?" Harry grinned.

Romilda looked between Harry and Ginny, absolutely betrayed.

"Nah, I'm quite pleased myself." Ginny replied. "You didn't really expect it to work, did you?"

"You didn't expect any of it to work?" Harry questioned.

Romilda was in tears. "How did you know?"

"Who do you think orchestrated it all? Did you really think I'd fall for a doctored image?" Harry wondered.

Romilda's eyes desperately flashed between both Potters. "I don't know what…"

"Oh, that's right. You really don't know. Who do you think told you to frame Ginny stealing from a poor little boy?" Harry asked.

"I…I…"

"Of course I know all about it." Harry said. "Let me guess, someone called you up and made the suggestion."

Romilda's eyes widened.

"And it would've succeeded, if it weren't for those meddling Potters." Ginny said, with the exact same voice she'd used to suggest the idea to Romilda in the first place.

"Yes, Romilda. I was the one who told you to disguise yourself. I was the one who suggested getting Rita Skeeter to record the proof."

Romilda cut her off. "But you tried to make yourself look good!" Romilda tried to hang onto whatever shred of control she could. "You helped me!"

Ginny laughed. "Did you really think that I thought Rita Skeeter would publish 'Ginny Potter helps boy in street?' No, we knew you'd fake the image. And just in case you didn't think of it yourself, we got Verity and Audrey to plant the idea in your head."

Romilda's mind flashed back to the conversation she overheard between two witches.

"Why? Why would you do this?" Romilda moaned.

"It was fun." Ginny grinned. "And more importantly, it was vital."

"Well, not for everyone." Harry grimaced. "I had to spend the evening with her." Harry poked a thumb at Romilda. "Can you believe she tried to dose me with Love Potion?"

"No way. I'd have thought she'd rely on her natural charms." Ginny answered.

"What charms?" Harry asked seriously. "You mean the charms concealing the contraband under the floorboards. The charms hiding the potions stolen from the Ministry. The Potions that have been circulating the black market? The potions that were stolen by Marietta Edgecombe and given to her good friend Romilda to use to tear the Potters apart?"

"But if you knew all this, why didn't you just arrest us? Why did you humiliate us?" Romilda asked.

"Because you weren't who we were after." Harry replied. We had to find the people who were getting the potions that Marietta was stealing."

"But the Niffler story. How did that help anything?"

"Rita Skeeter has been a thorn in our side for too long. Who's going to believe anything the Daily Prophet writes now?" Harry said. "And we had to make a story up to get me into your house."

Finally, Romilda sank to the floor, utterly defeated.

"You know what, darling?" Harry said. "I think we need a holiday. Got any ideas?"

"I'll see what I can dig up." Ginny replied.

And over Romilda's pathetically, piteously slumped body, the Potters high-fived victoriously.


End file.
